“I didn't poison your dog, Norman. If you knew me better, you'd know it's not my style. I'd have shot him.”

Danny DeVito - John Leary

Have you seen these little freaks? What happened! With the black nail polish, black lipstick, black eyeliner, black hair, and Liquid Paper-white face. I'm sorry, didn't we used to call that "Halloween"?

Bill Engvall - Bill Engvall

I'm trying to be nice to her because she's my daughter's friend. My daughter says "Daddy, this is my friend Lucy". I said "Well, hey Lucy... fer!

Bill Engvall - Bill Engvall

“Your look is not spring. Your look is nuclear-fucking-winter.”
Scott Cohen - Mike Mansfield

“Style always wins out in the end.”
Michael Feast - Cecil