“- Doug Remer: Oh, I'll come, I love hospitals.
- Joe Cooper: No you don't, you like Taco Bell!
- Doug Remer: No, one time I was at this hospital, in France, and I met this great chick.
- Joe Cooper: Dude, that was a hostel.”
Trey Parker - Doug Remer
Matt Stone - Joey Thomas

- Billy: [noticing a dingy hotel that says "St. James"] This one looks all right.
- Josh: No, it doesn't.
- Billy: St. James, Josh! It's religious.
Jared Rushton - Billy
Tom Hanks - Josh

“- Sgt. Taggart: Nah, that's alright. You keep it as a souvenir.
- Axel Foley: I already have three of 'em in my bag.”

John Ashton - Sgt. Taggart
Eddie Murphy - Axel Foley

“- Bellboy: [dropping newspaper on pile of unread ones outside a hotel room] How long they been in there?
- Hotel Maid: 5 days.
- Bellboy: That must be a hotel record.
- Hotel Maid: For a political convention. Honeymoon record's 9 days.”
Doris Roberts - Hotel Maid

“- Pierre: Did he say chateau? Surely they are not staying at the Chateau of the Bad Neighbor.
- Marcie: Yes they are, Mal Voisin.
- Pierre: But that is terrible! They cannot stay there!
- Patty: Why not, Pierre?
- Pierre: They could be in great danger!”
Pascale de Barolet - Pierre
Casey Carlson - Marcie
Roseline Rubens - Patty