“- Jeff Badger: You are the sheriff wife now. It would be very embarrassing for you to know who I am.
- Flower Belle Lee: I've never been embarrassed in my life.”
Joseph Calleia - Jeff Badger
Mae West - Flower Belle Lee

“- Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: I hope you'll forgive me if I acted a little clumsy, but this is the first time I ever met an actress.
- Maria Tura: Lieutenant, this is the first time I've ever met a man who could drop three tons of dynamite in two minutes.”
Robert Stack - Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski
Carole Lombard - Maria Tura

“- Valerie Brown: Who else thinks that Fiona's a freak?
- Melody Valentine: I'm so glad you said that, because as soon as you said her name, I got the most awful sensation. Like this ice-cold chill creeping up my spine.”
Rosario Dawson - Valerie Brown
Tara Reid - Melody Valentine

“- Muddy Grimmes: What are your names?
- Butt-head: Butt-head.
- Beavis: I'm Beavis.
- Muddy Grimmes: Well, that's all right. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. Mine's Muddy.”

Bruce Willis - Muddy Grimes
Mike Judge - Butt-Head
Mike Judge - Beavis

“- Max Reed: Just one thing. I mean, what the hell is a scientist doing in the middle of the night walking down a concrete riverbed in his lab coat? Fishing?
- Col. Castle: Who knows? Some people will do anything to land a fish. Even tell a fish story.
- Max Reed: It ain't fish I smell, it's a rat!”
Mark Hamill - Max Reed
Willard E. Pugh - Col. Castle