“- Randy 'Pink' Floyd: Don, have you ever thought about why we play football? How many times have you gotten laid strictly because you're a football player?
- Don Dawson: I don't know. A few, I guess.
- Randy 'Pink' Floyd: A few? Don, all I'm saying is, I bet we could do just as well if we were in a band or something.”
Jason London - Randy 'Pink' Floyd
Sasha Jenson - Don Dawson

“- McKenzie: Will ya look at that, they're putting a bloody Sheila on the team!
- Sargie 'Fumblina' Wilkinson: We'll be the laughing stock of college football.
- Charlie Banks: What do you think we are now?”

Louis Mandylor - McKenzie
Marcus Giamatti - Sargie 'Fumblina' Wilkinson
Andrew Lauer - Charlie Banks

“What family would want a daughter-in-law who can run around kicking football all day but can't make round chapatis?”
Shaheen Khan - Mrs. Bhamra

“- Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
- Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb ass.”
Matt Dillon - Healy
Brett Favre - Brett Favre

“- Ted: I just want you to be happy, Mary.
- Mary: But I'd be happier with you.
- Ted: What about Bret Fahvera?
- Mary: What did I tell you the first time we met? I'm a Niners fan!”
Ben Stiller - Ted
Cameron Diaz - Mary