“What could this demented maniac with no reproductive organs, want with Rita? Which is not to say Rita doesn't possess a beauty worthy of a Shakespeare sonnet or a Botticelli painting. My god, the curvature of her buttocks and the swell of that magnificent bosom. So full, so sumptous, so...”

Kevin Kline - Artemus Gordon

I couldn't believe it was her. It was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say... "Hey! Look at these!"

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“It's all in the hips, the lips, and the eyes and the thighs.”
Veronica Osorio - Carlotta Valdez

“- Gertrude Steiney: You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's gonna be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there!
- Ollie Trinke: That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey.
- Gertrude Steiney: I wanna be a coked-out whore!”

Jennifer Lopez - Gertrude Steiney
Ben Affleck - Ollie Trinke

“- James: Whoa! You really got your figure back, didn't you?
- Mollie: This is not my figure!
- James: Well then, you got Dolly Parton's figure back!”

John Travolta - James
Kirstie Alley - Mollie