“My dad's a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long.”
Miko Hughes - Joseph

“Colonel Ludlow told me ''Ride with them to Calgary. Bring back the horses''. ''Damn fools'' he called them. ''Damn fools''. The Colonel would not have his sons ride off to war on old nags, damn fools or not.”
Gordon Tootoosis - One Stab

“If you want your father to think you're not a silly fuck, don't slap a guy across the face with a glove because if you do that, that's what he will think. Unless you're a noble man or something in the nineteenth century. Which I am not.”
Nicolas Cage - David Spritz

“What must you think of me? Your family leader. Your non-meteorologist, yet weather man, frosty taking fuck-happy son. Don't die yet Robert, give me time to get it together. Give me a little while, let me get the Hello America job. I can get it together.”

Nicolas Cage - David Spritz

- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli