“- Lloyd Christmas: Some little filly break your heart?
- Harry Dunne: No, it was a girl.”
Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas
Jeff Daniels - Harry Dunne

“- Cavalry Sergeant: How do I know this is your horse?
- Paden: Can't you see this horse loves me?
- Cavalry Sergeant: I had a gal do that to me. It didn't make her my wife.”

Sheb Wooley - Cavalry Sergeant
Kevin Kline - Paden

“- Max: [after Max drinks the vial] Now you have no choice! You'll have to take me!
- Winifred Sanderson: What a fool to give us thy life... for thy sister's.”
Omri Katz - Max
Bette Midler - Winifred

“- Hegai, the Royal Eunuch: You think an eunuch can know love? That before I was a cripple of a man, there was one that held my heart.
- Hadassah / Esther: What became of her?
- Hegai, the Royal Eunuch: I know not. I never found the courage to return to face her again.”
Tommy 'Tiny' Lister - Hegai, the Royal Eunuch
Tiffany Dupont - Hadassah / Esther

“Any man that's got the guts to sell his soul for love has got the power to change the world. You didn't do it for greed, you did it for the right reason. Maybe that puts God on your side.”

Sam Elliott - Caretaker