“- Trunchbull: You have brats yourself?
- Mr. Wormwood: Yeah, I got a boy, Mikey, and one mistake, Matilda.
- Trunchbull: They're all mistakes, children! Filthy, nasty things. Glad I never was one.”
Pam Ferris - Trunchbull
Danny DeVito - Mr. Wormwood

“- Master Gracey: You have very beautiful children, Ms. Evers.
- Jim Evers: I kicked in some chromosomes too.”
Nathaniel Parker - Master Gracey
Eddie Murphy - Jim Evers

“Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is.”
Frank Oz - Yoda

“No one could understand how Mrs. Lisbon and Mr. Lisbon, our math teacher, could produce such beautiful creatures.”
Giovanni Ribisi - Narrator

“- Gerry Boyle: I don't want to see it. Babies all look the same. The only time a baby doesn't look like every other baby is when it's a really ugly baby. So unless you're about to show me a photo of a really ugly baby then I don't want to see it.
- FBI agent Wendell Everett: That's pretty fucking rude.
- Gerry Boyle: Maybe it is maybe it isn't.”
Brendan Gleeson - Gerry Boyle
Don Cheadle - FBI Agent Wendell Everett