Have you seen these little freaks? What happened! With the black nail polish, black lipstick, black eyeliner, black hair, and Liquid Paper-white face. I'm sorry, didn't we used to call that "Halloween"?

Bill Engvall - Bill Engvall

“- Linda Davenport: You're in high school now, and I expect you to act like it.
- Luke Davenport: Then don't dress me in these dorky clothes.
- Linda Davenport: You're not dressed in dorky clothes, you're in nice clothes. You look very handsome. You should consider yourself lucky.
- Luke Davenport: I should consider myself dorky.”
Lisa Eichhorn - Linda Davenport
Brock Pierce - Luke Davenport

“You'll excuse me, I won't join you. I find adolescence makes you nervous enough.”

Diana Lynn - Lucy Hill

“You're behaving like a romantic girl of eighteen.”

Gladys Cooper - Mrs. Henry Vale

“- Jeff Kohlver: Is this some kind of teenage joke?
- Hayley Stark: Teenage? Yeah. Joke? No.”
Patrick Wilson - Jeff Kohlver
Ellen Page - Hayley Stark