“- Mitch: Kenny has to go. He's cooking breakfast for his underwear.
- Dr. Jeffrey Sanborn: Who is this?
- Mitch: I'm a pair of his socks.”

Billy Crystal - Mitch Robbins
Bob Balaban - Dr. Jeffrey Sanborn

“You'll excuse me, I won't join you. I find adolescence makes you nervous enough.”

Diana Lynn - Lucy Hill

“You're behaving like a romantic girl of eighteen.”

Gladys Cooper - Mrs. Henry Vale

“- Jeff Kohlver: Is this some kind of teenage joke?
- Hayley Stark: Teenage? Yeah. Joke? No.”
Patrick Wilson - Jeff Kohlver
Ellen Page - Hayley Stark

Remeber that friend in High School, who wanted to make bongs out of everything? Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit. One day you find your friend goin' "Hey look, man, I made a bong out of my head! Put the pot in this ear and suck it out of this one, go on take a hit".
Denis Colin Leary - Himself