Billy Crystal quotes
“Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt...” (continue)(continue reading)
“Here's what I think you should do. I would do whatever he says. If he wants you to talk, talk. I would get on all fours and bark like a dog. I would do whatever it takes. Smoke some joints! Drink some wine! Whatever it is, to get off on each other and be happy. I mean, come on, look at the two of you! Where are you running? This is the time to...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Mitch Robbins: Hi Curly. Killed anyone today?
- Curly: The day ain't over yet.”
“- Don: Sherri and I are engaged.
- Mike Wazowski: Who's Sherri?
- Squishy: She's my Mom.
- Don: Don't worry Scott. I don't want you to think of me as your new dad. After all, we're fraternity brothers first.
- Squishy: This is so weird.
- Don: Just think of me as your big brother that's marrying your mother. Wait, hold on, we're brothers who...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Mickey Gordon: What are you? Tired?
- Dan Majerle: Yeah, your girlfriend kept waking me up last night.”
“- Sulley: I act scary, Mike. But most of the time, I'm terrified.
- Mike: How come you never told me that before?
- Sulley: Because we weren't friends before.”
“- Harry Burns: Some faceless guy rips off all your clothes, and that's the sex fantasy you've been having since you were twelve?
- Sally Albright: Well, sometimes I vary it a little.
- Harry Burns: Which part?
- Sally Albright: What I'm wearing.”
“- Mike: I like everything about you. Just the other day someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful was in all of Monstropolis. You know what I said?
- Celia: What did you say?
- Mike: I said... Sulley!
- Celia: Sulley?!”
You know what just occurred to me? Roping is stupid. This is a cow, not a gazelle, watch. Get off the horse, huh? Ok. And then you walk up to the cow. Look at how good this is working. Then you say "Hi. I'm Bob Vila with 'This Old Herd'. We're going to rope you today". Then you take Mr. Loop and put it around the head of Mr. Cow.
It started out fine, she's a very nice person, and we're sitting and we're talking at this Ethiopian restaurant that she wanted to go to. And I was making jokes, you know like, "hey I didn't know that they had food in Ethiopia? This will be a quickmeal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave". Yeah, nothing from her not even a smile.
“- Momma: Who the hell are you?
- Larry: I'm Owen's friend.
- Momma: Owen doesn't have a friend!
- Larry: That's because he's shy.
- Momma: No he's not. He's fat and he's stupid!”
“Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Come on, tell me it's a new haircut, isn't it? It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in in you that makes you look... Listen, I need a favor.”
“- Larry: Owen, what the hell did you do to my wife?
- Owen: I don't want to say over the phone. All I can tell ya is that I killed her last night.”
Survival rule number three, kid: you're not here to love anyone. You're here to promote a movie. That's it. Period. Say you're here and you get word that your mother died. You know, like, hit by a bus or something. You go downstairs, you shed a tear, and you say, "It's a shame. She would have loved this movie".
“This is your mother's fault. It's like voodoo. She knows where I am every second.”
“- The Devil: You ever fuck a blind girl?
- Harry Block: No. That I never did.
- The Devil: Oh, they're so grateful.”
“Either God is in the salvage business or Bigfoot took my car!”