“- Lawrence Bourne Jr: I must say it doesn't surprise me. You have been a constant disappointment to your mother and me ever since the day we brought you home from the orphanage.
- Lawrence Bourne III: Stop it, dad. You know I'm not adopted.
- Lawrence Bourne Jr: I know, but please, just allow me this little fantasy.”

George Plimpton - Lawrence Bourne Jr.
Tom Hanks - Lawrence Bourne III

“- Sonny Koufax: I got some interesting news.
- Lenny Koufax: Oh yeah, what?
- Sonny Koufax: I kind of adopted a kid.
- Lenny Koufax: What the hell are you talking about?
- Sonny Koufax: I'm talking about you being a grandfather! Congratulations!”
Adam Sandler - Sonny Koufax
Joseph Bologna - Lenny Koufax

“Adopted children are luckiest because they were chosen.”
Mara Hobel - Christina Crawford (child)

“- Christina Crawford (child): I wanna know... why did you adopt me?
- Joan Crawford: Maybe I did it for a little extra publicity... [realizes what she has just said] Tina! That's not true! You know that's not true.
- Christina Crawford (child): But maybe just a little true?”
Mara Hobel - Christina Crawford (child)
Faye Dunaway - Joan Crawford

“- Green Aliens: You have saved our lives. We are eternally grateful.
- Mrs. Potato Head: You saved their lives? My hero! They're so adorable. Let's adopt them!”

Jeff Pidgeon - Green Aliens
Estelle Harris - Mrs. Potato Head