“Allow me to untangle this web of shit. I don't care if his last job was jugging apples for a hut full of pygmies on the outskirts of the Congo! This man fits the bill, and you need him! And that's why the rhino's going to get exactly what he deserves.”

Danny DeVito - Burke Bennett

“- Earl Hooter: Sounds like your looking to get yourself fired, little lady.
- Elvira: Yeah, go ahead and fire me. I need this job like a leper needs a three-way mirror!”
Lee McLaughlin - Earl Hooter
Cassandra Peterson - Elvira

“Fond as I am of you, I really don't think you're the right man for me. You're, um... you're much too independent. And I... I need someone who needs me desperately, or at least needs my money desperately.”
Eleanor Parker - The Baroness

“- Brian Hope: Wherever there's a deep human need there's money to be made.
- Charlie McManus: You think so?
- Brian Hope: Of course, look at Kentucky Fried Chicken.”
Eric Idle - Brian Hope
Robbie Coltrane - Charlie McManus

“- Patty: What do you want?
- Elaine: I want you to get this lousy bank to lend me some money, or at least extend my MasterCharge limit. Oh, Patty, You've got to help me! I'm broke, flat busted broke. The house and car payments are due on Monday, I need money.
- Patty: You know how banks operate. They only lend money to people who don't need it.”
Susan Tolsky - Patty
Jane Curtin - Elaine