“You treat a hot girl like dirt, and she'll stick to you like mud.”
Jason Segel - Sam Schechter

“- Karin Carter: He's got a gun.
- Madison Carter: What were you doing in the car with him?
- Karin Carter: Talking about baseball.”

Kaley Cuoco - Karin Carter
Kelly Lynch - Madison Carter

“BlackBerries, desk organizers. Electronic footprints of where your man has been and with whom. Under the right circumstances, they could be a girl's best friend.”
Kevin Sussman - Ira

“- Tania: I'm a gender-challenged male.
- Jesse Montgomery III: What does that mean?
[Tania reveals her penis]
- Jesse Montgomery III: Whoa! Dude, you're a dude!”
Teressa Tunney - Tania
Ashton Kutcher - Jesse Montgomery III

“- Jocelyn: Better a silly girl with a flower than a silly boy with a horse and a stick.
- Wat: It's called a lance. Hello?”
Shannyn Sossamon - Jocelyn
Alan Tudyk - Wat