“Folks, my firm's done a tremendous amount of marketing research and we've discovered two critical things; one: most Americans feel that Christmas is a time for family. Two: most Americans feel that in order to stand being around their family, for even one or two days, they need to swill as much alcohol as humanly possible.”
Ben Affleck - Drew Latham

“- Arthur Bach: Want a drink?
- Burt Johnson: I never drink. No one in my family ever drinks.
- Arthur Bach: That's great! You probably never run out of ice your whole life!”
Dudley Moore - Arthur Bach
Stephen Elliott - Burt Johnson

“- Andie: So what do you want to drink?
- Duckie: Oh you know, beer, scotch, juice box... whatever.”
Molly Ringwald - Andie
Jon Cryer - Duckie

“You can swallow a pint of blood before you get sick.”
Edward Norton - The Narrator

“- Patches O'Houlihan: Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?
- Peter La Fleur: Probably not.
- Patches O'Houlihan: No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.
- Peter La Fleur: ...Okay.”
Rip Torn - Patches O'Houlihan
Vince Vaughn - Peter La Fleur