“- Commandant Lassard: What is the most frustrating thing about police work?
- Tackleberry: Not being able to carry hand grenades, sir.
- Callahan: Separate locker rooms, sir.
- Mahoney: Icky blue uniforms.”
George Gaynes - Eric Lassard
David Graf - Eugene Tackleberry
Leslie Easterbrook - Debbie Callahan
Steve Guttenberg - Carey Mahoney

“These things are good: ice cream and cake, a ride on a Harley, seeing monkeys in the trees, the rain on my tongue, and the sun shining on my face. These things are a drag: dust in my hair, holes in my shoes, no money in my pocket, and the sun shining on my face.”

Eric Stoltz - Rocky Dennis

“Listen to me ok, please? I love you David, and I love Sarah, but individually. David, together, I think you're a mess.”
Saul Rubinek - Larry

“- Jack Baker: You look good.
- Susie Diamond: You look like shit.
- Jack Baker: No, I mean it. You look good.
- Susie Diamond: I mean it, too. You look like shit.”
Jeff Bridges - Jack Baker
Michelle Pfeiffer - Susie Diamond

“- Statler: How do you like the film?
- Waldorf: I've seen detergents leave a better film than this.”
Richard Hunt - Statler
Jim Henson - Waldorf