“- Zed: Mickey! He's dead! He killed him!
- Laura: I'm sure the academy will pay for it.
- Zed: No, you don't understand. It's like a sentimental thing. It was the last thing I stole before joining the academy.”

Bobcat Goldthwait - Zed
Corinne Bohrer - Laura

“- John: There's cops all down this road.
- Gerry Austin: So?
- John: So cops have got radios. This gas is stolen.
- Gerry Austin: So is the car!”
Tony Barry - John
Kelly Johnson - Gerry Austin

“- George Aaronow: When I talk to the police I get nervous.
- Ricky Roma: Yes. You know who doesn't?
- George Aaronow: Who?
- Ricky Roma: Thieves.”
Alan Arkin - George Aaronow
Al Pacino - Ricky Roma

“Wait! I didn't steal anything! I was returning something I stole!”

Paul Rudd - Scott Lang

“It's Luanne Leseur, the Black Widow. She kills all of her male accomplices. No one has ever been able to finger her.”
Stephen Tobolowsky - Agent Chuck Stupak