- Paul Vitti: You're turning me down?
- Dr. Ben Sobel: When I got into family therapy, this was not the "family" I had in mind.
- Paul Vitti: You, with your schmucky little office in your schmucky little home, you're turning me down? For what, so you can go back and listen to housewives piss and moan about how nobody fucks 'em right anymore?
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel

“Psychologically, I married my mother.”
Martin Harvey Friedberg - Mort

“Julie-Oh, classy choice, Jimmy, although it's pretty obvious that you're with her because you can't be with Kirsten. You know, I think in psychology that's called transference.
Jimmy-Oh, and you marrying Caleb, I think in psychology that's called shameless gold-digging”
Melinda Clarke - Julie Cooper
Tate Donovan - Jimmy Cooper

“- Cooper: Professor Chermenko, what about that handwriting?
- Prof. Chermenko: Ah. Richard Drew is a complex man, filled to the breaking point with psychological conflicts. His violin is a substitute for severe anger and repression. Sexual repression.”
Dabney Coleman - Cooper
Jeff Ware - Prof. Chermenko

“- Jack: Are you still seeing that shrink?
- Miles: I saw him on Monday. I spent most of the time helping him with his computer.
- Jack: Well, I say, fuck therapy. And what is that stuff you take... Xanax?
- Miles: And Lexapro, yes.
- Jack: Well, I say, fuck that too. You need to get your joint worked on, Miles.”
Thomas Haden Church - Jack
Paul Giamatti - Miles