“I am going to Bangkok to assume a missionary position.”

Joan Messiah - Nun

“- Nun: Have you ever been down the Yellow River?
- Leon: ...Yea, once in the '80s but I did not enjoy it...”
Joan Messiah - Nun
Tim Meadows - Leon Phelps

“I like to help people. I am like Mother Theresa... but of bonin'.”
Tim meadows - Leon Phelps

“- Joey: Vince, we can't waste a nun.
- Vince LaRocca: What are you two nuts talking about? It's Deloris, in a costume.
- Willy: How do you know she didn't sign up and become one of them when she was there? Things like this happen.
- Vince LaRocca: Because I know this woman. In the biblical sense and she ain't no nun.”
Robert Miranda - Joey
Harvey Keitel - Vince LaRocca
Richard Portnow - Willy

“In Rome today, the Pope issued a message of hope for believers in their fight against what he termed the godless and lost. He offered a prayer for the young, whom he described as sadly in need of faith and not the illusion of conviction offered by rock music, drugs and contemporary poetry.”
Reggie Harris - Anchorman