“- Mark Van Doren: Charlie, from what I understand, it's just a bunch of frauds showing off an erudition they really didn't have. All you have to do is...
- Charles Van Doren: The problem is, Dad, that it seems I was one of those frauds.”
Paul Scofield - Mark Van Doren
Ralph Fiennes - Charles Van Doren

“I hope they have cable. I can't watch regular TV without drugs.”

Walter Matthau - Donald Becker

Three tomatoes are walking down the street: a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. Baby tomato starts lagging behind. Poppa tomato gets angry, goes over to the baby tomato, and smooshes him... and says, "catch up".

Uma Thurman - Mia Wallace

“- William Shatner: You spear the knife into the bag... then pick some of the drugs up with the knife... then lightly press it on your tongue. And that is how TV cops taste drugs!
- Det. Mitch Preston: What if it's cyanide? There's a reason real cops don't taste drugs.”
William Shatner - Himself
Robert De Niro - Det. Mitch Preston

“- Edsel: I think... you're coming in a little high, man.
- Zeke: Look, man, if there's one thing I know, it's how to drive while I'm stoned. It's like you know your perspective's fucked so you just let your hands work the controls as if you were straight.”

Eugene Levy - Edsel
Harold Ramis - Zeke