“I don't live at home. I live above the garage. It's a whole separate dwelling; I've got my own phone line.”
Matthew Lillard - Larry

“- Jim's Dad: You may be Jimbo, or Jumbo, or Jimbodini to those guys in there, but there are still two people who haven't forgotten where James Emmanuel Levenstein came from. We're awful proud of you son.
- Jim Levenstein: Thanks, Dad.
- Jim's Dad: Don't forget your penis cream.”
Eugene Levy - Jim's Dad
Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein

“- Pinocchio: Someday, I'm gonna be a real boy!
- Geppetto: A real boy! It's my wish! It's come true!”

Dickie Jones - Pinocchio
Christian Rub - Geppetto

“A boy who won't be good might just as well be made of wood.”
Evelyn Venable - The Blue Fairy

“- The Coachman: I'm collecting stupid little boys.
- J. Worthington Foulfellow: Stupid little boys?
- The Coachman: The disobedient ones who play hooky from school.”
Charles Judels - The Coachman
Walter Catlett - J. Worthington Foulfellow