“It's my duty to inform you that the larceny of an equine is a capital offense punishable by death, but you can rest assured that in this court, a horse thief always gets a fair trial before he's hung.”

Walter Brennan - Judge Roy Bean

“Hitler ended up in a ditch covered in petrol on fire... so, that's fun. I think that's funny. Because he was a mass-murdering fuck-head!”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

Hitler goes to a fortune-teller and asks, "When will I die?" and the fortune-teller replies, "On a Jewish holiday". Hitler then asks, "How do you know that?" and she replies, "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday".
Robin Williams - Jakob

“Stop torturing me. The Germans are already doing a fine job.”
Robin Williams - Jakob

“Technically, they're retreating. But strategically, they're advancing.”
Robin Williams - Jakob