“- Walt Tenor: What's a three-letter word for man's best friend?
- April Mercedes: Tit?”
Greg Kinnear - Walt Tenor
Eva Mendes - April Mercedes

“When a man is a widower why do we say he was widowed? Why don't we say he was widowered?”
Meg Ryan - Annie Reed

- Myrtle Sousé: What's a six-letter word meaning "embezzlement"?
- Mrs. Hermisillo Brunch: Prison.

Una Merkel - Myrtle Sousé
Jessie Ralph - Mrs. Hermisillo Brunch

“- C.K. Dexter Haven: The moon is also a goddess, chaste and virginal.
- Tracy Lord: Stop using those foul words.”
Cary Grant - C. K. Dexter Haven
Katharine Hepburn - Tracy Lord

“You're not even good enough for the cuss words I know.”
Bette Davis - Joan Winfield