“- Crawford Tillinghast: I know your desires, you impotent pig!
- Dr. Edward Pretorius: We are the most powerful being in the universe!
- Crawford Tillinghast: She'll know, Edward, how pathetic you are! How you can't make love!
- Dr. Edward Pretorius: Maybe you can teach me!
- Crawford Tillinghast: Come and get me, eunuch!”
Jeffrey Combs - Crawford Tillinghast
Ted Sorel - Dr. Edward Pretorius

“- Gny. Sgt. Hartman: Get your fat ass up there! I'll bet if there was some pussy up there you would get up there, wouldn't you?
- Pvt. Leonard 'Gomer Pyle' Lawrence: Sir, yes sir!”

R. Lee Ermey - Gny. Sgt. Hartman
Vincent D'Onofrio - Pvt. Leonard 'Gomer Pyle' Lawrence

“- Doug Remer: Your bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
- Squeak Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
- Joe Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Dian Bachar - Squeak Scolari
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper

“I had a date with a pilot last night. Couldn't get my seat back in the upright position. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? No, you wouldn't.”
Ellen Lee DeGeneres - Janet Hall

“- Hector Cyr: She tell you that we had sex together? So vigorous!
- Kelly Scott: I never had sex with you!
- Hector Cyr: I'm horrible in bed. They never remember.”
Oliver Platt - Hector Cyr
Bridget Fonda - Kelly Scott