“This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother. How do you find the time?”

Jean Louisa Kelly - Tia Russell

“You should see the toast. I couldn't even get it through the door!”

John Candy - Buck Russell

“- Hal: Does she take the cake, or what?
- Mauricio: She takes the whole bakery, Hal.”

Jack Black - Hal
Jason Alexander - Mauricio

“- Dr. Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
- Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
- Dr. Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Dr. Rumack
Julie Hagerty - Elaine Dickinson

“- Captain Clarence Oveur: What is it, Doctor? What's going on?
- Dr. Rumack: I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like this since the Anita Bryant concert.”

Peter Graves - Captain Clarence Oveur
Leslie William Nielsen - Dr. Rumack