“Can you believe this? It's Christmas Eve and we got orders to bring in Santa Claus.”
Richard D. Clark - Officer Miller

“- Kid: You are really Santa, right?
- Willie: No, I'm an accountant. I wear this fucking thing as a fashion statement, alright?”
Brett Kelly - Kid
Billy Bob Thornton - Willie

“A lot of people think this is just a job that you go to. Take a lunch hour... job's over. Something like that. But it's a 24-hour deal. No two ways about it. And what most people don't see... is just how hard it is to do the right thing.”

John C. Reilly - Officer Jim Kurring

“- Z: Why'd I have to be born a worker? You soldiers get all the glory. Plus, you get to go out in the world. You know, you meet interesting insects; you get to kill them.
- Weaver: Yeah, but you get to spend all day with those beautiful worker girls.
- Z: Weaver, they're career girls. They're obsessed with digging.”
Woody Allen - Z
Sylvester Stallone - Weaver

“- Queen: Everyone has their place, Bala. You, the soldiers, the workers... Oh, it's not all that bad being princess, is it? Would you prefer to be carting around dirt all day?
- Princess Bala: Oh, Mother, don't be so dramatic.”
Anne Bancroft - Queen
Sharon Stone - Princess Bala