“- Margaret Wade: You guys are the boring ones. There's lots to do.
- Dennis Mitchell: Oh, really? Like what?
- Margaret Wade: We could practice singing songs. Or put on a play, or a puppet show.
- Joey: We could bury you alive.
- Margaret Wade: I could pound your face.”
Amy Sakasitz - Margaret Wade
Mason Gamble - Dennis Mitchell
Kellen Hathaway - Joey

“- Nick Parker: What's going on?
- Meredith Blake: Here's what's going on, buddy: the day we get married is the day I ship those brats off to Switzerland, get the picture? It's me, or them. Take your pick.
- Nick Parker: Them.
- Meredith Blake: Excuse me?
- Nick Parker: T-H-E-M. Them.
- Nick Parker: Get the picture?”
Dennis Quaid - Nick Parker
Elaine Hendrix - Meredith Blake

“- Ellie: Manny, you can't choose between your kids.
- Manny: He's not my kid. He's not even my dog. If I had a dog, and that dog had a kid, and the dog's kid had a pet, that would be Sid.”

Queen Latifah - Ellie
Ray Romano - Manny

“- Willy Wonka: I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.
- Mr. Teavee: What do you mean?
- Willy Wonka: Uh, well... sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
- Mr. Teavee: What kind of a question is that?
- Willy Wonka: No need to snap, just a question.”
Johnny Depp - Willy Wonka
Adam Godley - Mr. Teavee

“People always say that you can't choose your parents, but you can't choose your children.”
James Rebhorn - Herbert Greenleaf