“- Nancy Huff: Guys. Guys. Guys!
[both guys wake up and quote last line from their dreams]
- Brennan Huff: I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.
- Dale Doback: The clown has no penis.
- Nancy Huff: What kind of dreams are you guys having?”

Mary Steenburgen - Nancy Huff
Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff
John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“- Charlie Chan: When Chinese Emperor have eight suspects of murder, he solve problem very quickly.
- Professor Gordon: Really? How?
- Charlie Chan: Chop off eight heads. Always sure getting one criminal.”
Sidney Toler - Charlie Chan
Leo G. Carroll - Professor Gordon

“I, John Brown, am now quite certain that the crimes of this guilty land can never be purged away but with blood. Let them hang me. I forgive them, and may God forgive them for they know not what they do!”
Raymond Massey - John Brown

“Any unwarranted attack upon the person or property of Spanish subjects will cost the guilty party his head!”

Flora Robson - Queen Elizabeth

“I was the victim of circumstances. The D.A. framed me, not knowing I was guilty. Ain't that a coincidence?”

John Berkes - Paleface