“- Graydon: The success of our planet and domination of the universe rests in your hands.
- Harold Anderson: Thank you, sir.
- Graydon: Now if you'll go with these men, we'll arrange for your transfer, and attach your penis.”
Ben Kingsley - Graydon
Garry Shandling - Harold Anderson

“- Principal Elder: Bruce, we do things differently here. One of the things we do not do is teach our secrets to white, blacks. They are the enemy.
- Bruce Lee: They are not the enemy. They just don't know us. We've been so closed for so long, they've never seen the real beauty of our culture. Lets show it to them.”

Aki Aleong - Principal Elder
Jason Scott Lee - Bruce Lee

“Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese.”
Mary Stuart Masterson - Joon Pearl

“I'm a professional businessman not a professional Pakistani. And there is no question of race in the new enterprise culture.”

Saeed Jaffrey - Uncle Nasser

“I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!”
Chris Rock - Caretaker