“- Dr. Ben Sobel: Let me get this straight: You flew all the way down to Miami and kidnapped me from my hotel room in the middle of the night just because you couldn't get an erection?
- Paul Vitti: Don't that prove I'm motivated?
- Dr. Ben Sobel: You know, you can take a pill for that.”
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti

“That's why these lesbians are always going out and buyin', spendin' all their dough on sexual appliances and erotic monkey wrenches and shit, tryin' to compensate for what they don't have... the penis.”
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“Do you know why women are able to train us? They are smarter than us. It ain't that big a deal. That's saying you're smarter than a creature who every time it takes its underwear off tries to catch them with its toes, flip them in the air, and catch them with its hand.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Jeff Foxworthy

“- Jim McAllister: There's one more thing about Tracy I think you should know.
- Dave Novotny: Her pussy gets so wet you can't believe it.”
Matthew Broderick - Jim McAllister
Mark Harelik - Dave Novotny

“Attention pussy shoppers! Take advantage of our penny pussy sale! If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere else, fuck it!”
Cheech Marin - Chet Pussy