“- Officer Milner: My God, suicide. Why?
- Officer McCord: [holds up bottle of mineral water found next to one of the bodies] Does this answer your question?
- Officer Milner: Oh man! They were fags?”
Chuck Lafont - Officer Milner
Mark Bringelson - Officer McCord

“The future. The polar ice caps have melted, covering the earth with water. Those who survived have adapted to a new world.”
Hal Douglas - Narrator

“Water sucks. It really really sucks. Water sucks.”
Henry Winkler - Coach Klein

Well, there were these two old boys and they hung their peckers off a bridge to piss. One old boy from California, the other from Arkansas. The old boy from California says "Boy, this water's cold", and the old boy from Arkansas says "Yeah, and it's deep too". Get it?
Rick Dial - Bill Cox

“Aquariums make me super horny!”
Rob Schneider - Ula