- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Jews want their rabbis to be the kind of Jews they don't have the time to be.
- Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Yeah, and Catholics want their priests to be the kind of Catholics they don't have the discipline to be.
Ben Stiller - Rabbi Jake Schram
Edward Norton - Father Brian Finn

“- Malcolm: Phoebe - how would you like to supervise our Sidney for a month or two?
- Phoebe: No way.
- Malcolm: Go on; you'd be a good influence on the boy. Why not?
- Phoebe: Infectious hepatitis, loony girlfriend, drugs?
- Malcolm: Boys will be boys.”
David Hayman - Malcolm
Debby Bishop - Phoebe

“- Detective Marcus Burnett: Are you a model or a cop?
- Detective Mike Lowrey: Hey, man, I like lookin' good, that's all.
- Detective Marcus Burnett: For who?
- Detective Mike Lowrey: Hey man, don't hate the playa, hate the game.
- Detective Marcus Burnett: [as Detective Mike Lowrey walks away] Hate the tailor.”

Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett
Will Smith - Detective Mike Lowrey

“- Billy: You're very pretty. I'll bet you're a model.
- Gia Carangi: Why? Do I look stupid?”
Angelina Jolie - Gia Carangi

“- Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
- Matilda Jeffries: Honestly?
- Hansel: Yes.
- Matilda Jeffries: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
- Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?”
Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries
Owen Wilson - Hansel