“- Sam McKenna: Hey, doc, what happened to your foot?
- Dr. Farthing: What I don't understand is... when you owe a bookie a lot of money, and he, say, blows off one of your toes, you still owe him the money. Doesn't seem fair to me. Especially when he's gonna kill me in four days anyway.”
Artie Lange - Sam McKenna
Chevy Chase - Dr. Farthing

“Bet twenty thousand![the poolhall falls silent]
Oh, did I stutter? Everybody gone all quiet and shit? About a minute ago it was like an evening at the Apollo up in this motherfucker, now all of a sudden it's quiet as a church.”
Mars Callahan - Johnny

“I'm a millionaire! That's the difference. I lose 80 I get another 80. For me it doesn't matter.”
Christopher Walken - Mike

“When was the last time you lost betting on me? Never. I'm probably the best investment your bank ever made.”

John Travolta - Jan Schlichtmann

“- Assistant Casino Manager: You seem to be having quite a run. Is there anything we can do for you?
- Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Yes, go down to your vault and tell the rest of your money to be patient, we'll be together soon.”
Ursula Burton - Assistant Casino Manager
Steve Martin - Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko