“- Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.
- Brennan Huff: You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!”
John C. Reilly - Dale Doback
Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

You guys... you guys are all the same! The doctors at the hospital, you... it's always what I'm going to do for you. And then you screw up, and it's, "Ah, we did the best that we could, I'm dreadfully sorry". And people like us live with your mistakes the rest of our lives.
James Handy - Kevin Doneghy

“- Egbert Sousé: Hello, Doc. How are ya? How's business?
- Dr. Stall: Fair, fair. I don't suppose we'll ever get another whooping cough epidemic again.”
W.C. Fields - Egbert Sousé
Harlan Briggs - Dr. Stall

“- Peter Kirk: Are there many lady doctors?
- Helen Hunt: A few.
- Peter Kirk: As beautiful as you?
- Helen Hunt: No doubt.
- Peter Kirk: The time I've wasted being well.”
Henry Fonda - Peter Kirk
Barbara Stanwyck - Helen Hunt

“- Dr. Einstein: I cannot operate without a drink!
- Jonathan Brewster: Pull yourself together, doctor!
- Dr. Einstein: I cannot pull myself together without a drink!”
Peter Lorre - Dr. Einstein
Raymond Massey - Jonathan Brewster