“Pubic hair causes crime.”
Mark Joy - Jimmy

“- DC Cop: The Feds are looking for him, too. Real nice business he's got?
- Agent Fox Mulder: What's that?
- DC Cop: Selling naked pictures of little kids on his computer. You looking for him for some other reason?
- Agent Fox Mulder: Yeah. I had an appointment for a pelvic examination.”

Larry Joshua - DC Cop
David Duchovny - Agent Fox Mulder

“- Helen Jordan: Anyway, so the police came and looked in her freezer and found baggies filled with the doorman's genitals.
- Mona Jordan: I use baggies.
- Joy Jordan: Me too.
- Helen Jordan: Everyone uses baggies, that's why we can all relate to this crime. Don't you see?”
Lara Flynn Boyle - Helen Jordan
Louise Lasser - Mona Jordan
Jane Adams - Joy Jordan

- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“That's why these lesbians are always going out and buyin', spendin' all their dough on sexual appliances and erotic monkey wrenches and shit, tryin' to compensate for what they don't have... the penis.”
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli