“Cheating is a hell of a lot worse than being stupid. Plagiarism is an academic crime. It is punishable by academic death.”

Tommy Lee Jones - Roland Sharp

“- William Carson III: Paula what are you doing out here?
- Paula Carson: What do you mean?
- William Carson III: Shouldn't you be in school you're not cutting class I hope!”
Martin Mull - William Carson III
Jill Schoelen - Paula Carson

“- Melissa Robinson: Ace get out of the tank.
- Ace Ventura: I just can't do it captain, I don't have the power!”
Courteney Cox - Melissa Robinson

“Scandal and disease, Max.”

Nora Dunn - Lutetia Fairbanks

“- Nina: We have to make him quit. If we get naked pictures of him and pictures of farm animals, I could photoshop them.
- Maria Kelly: That's an excellent idea!”
Heather Burns - Nina
Kristin Chenoweth - Maria Kelly