“- Joan Stupid: Oh dear I left the garbage out over night.
- Stanley Stupid: Oh no. Someone's stolen our garbage again.”
Jessica Lundy - Joan Stupid
Tom Arnold - Stanley Stupid

“- Reggie Hammond: Now Jack, the both of us know that I'm gonna be an honest man from now on. Right?
- Jack Cates: Good.
- Reggie Hammond: But if I did decide to be a thief, what makes you think you can catch me?
- Jack Cates: [pause] Can I have my lighter back, Reggie?”
Eddie Murphy - Reggie Hammond
Nick Nolte - Jack Cates

“- Bernie: I stole it
- Danny: You did not.
- Bernie: Oh, that's great, Dan. I tell you I'm a thief and you call me a liar.”
Jim Belushi - Bernie
Rob Lowe - Danny

“- Frank Hamer: You ever think maybe there was something in Clyde... that made him steal that chicken in the first place?
- Henry Barrow: Maybe he was hungry. Maybe we were all hungry.”
Kevin Costner - Frank Hamer
William Sadler - Henry Barrow

“My Dad never bought me a Ferrari. I had to steal my first one.”
Mel Gibson - Porter