“My mom says my dad's eyes are brown because he's so full of shit.”

Paulie Litt - Bryan

“- Joe Moore: Where's my wife?
- Mickey Bergman: Let me tell you something about your girl Joe, she's a whore.”
Gene Hackman - Joe Moore
Danny DeVito - Mickey Bergman

- Terrance Paul Davidson: Hey, is this your wife? Damn! I see why you were upset! Not bad Nick, not bad, Nick! You know, for a cheatin' bitch.
- Nick Beam: Hey! Don't you call her that, you don't know her, don't say that.
- Terrance Paul Davidson: Okay, okay, no disrespect. What should I call her? "Monogamously challenged"?
Martin Lawrence - Terrance Paul Davidson
Tim Robbins - Nick Beam

“You screw my wife, I screwdrive your head!”
Asbestos Felt - Tom Russo

- Mulligan: Do you know what I do to guys who quote unquote "sleep" with my wife?
- Nathanial Mayweather: Talk about your discomfort over a cup of hot cocoa?
- Mulligan: Clooooooooose. I cut off their heads with a nail clipper.
Mike Starr - Mulligan
Chris Elliott - Nathanial Mayweather