“- Leah: Would you like to share something personal with the crew? Robert... Uh... Ro-berta.
- Roberta: Personal?
- Leah: Mm.
- Roberta: Well, uh, my name is Roberta, and... I'm addicted to porn and I masturbate constantly.”

Melissa Sagemiller - Leah
Harland Williams - Doofer

“- Doreen: Kids, where's your father?
- Wally's daughter : He's upstairs masturbating to gay porn.
- Doreen: Again?”
Kevin McDonald - Doreen
Erica Fairfield - Wally's daughter

- Janey Briggs: I knew it. That's a line from "She's All That". I masturbate to that movie.
- Jake Wyler: [to nosy Flight Attendant right behind them] Do you mind?
- Flight Attendant: Not at all, I think masturbation is very healthy.
Chyler Leigh - Janey Briggs
Chris Evans - Jake Wyler
Molly Ringwald - Flight Attendant

“Remember, boys! Stay away from women! All they want from you is your man-juice! If you ever get the kind of urges that cannot be supressed by hard liquor, then use this!
[shows his right hand]”
R. Lee Ermey - Coach

“- Judith: Ok, then. No more sex!
- Darren: What?
- Judith: You're not allowed to go down on me for a month!
[Darren is about to speak, but Judith cuts him off]
- Judith: Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges!”
Amanda Peet - Judith
Jason Biggs - Darren