“- Jack Byrnes: We use the Ferber method.
- Bernie Focker: We use the Focker method. We hugged and kissed that little boy like there was no tomorrow. We Fockerized him.”
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes
Dustin Hoffman - Bernie Focker

“- Peter Shepherd: Do you miss mom and dad?
- Judy Shepherd: No.
- Peter Shepherd: Liar. If you don't cut that out, they're gonna send you to a shrink.
- Judy Shepherd: Where do you think they're gonna send you if you don't start talking?”
Bradley Pierce - Peter Shepherd
Kirsten Dunst - Judy Shepherd

“- T.J. Krupp: My dad treats my mom like dirt.
- Matt Finley: And my dad's coming up on his second year with Louise.
- Gregory Alan 'Grover' Beindorf: So?
- Matt Finley: So he always divorces in his second year, you know that, it's like clockwork.”
Herbert Russell - T.J. Krupp
Mooky Arizona - Matt Finley
Kyle Howard - Gregory Alan 'Grover' Beindorf

“- Cindy Jo: Larry, darling, your guests are wondering if you're all right? What's the matter, dear?
- Larry Burrows: My parents are divorced.
- Cindy Jo: Of course they are. Everybody's parents are divorced.”
Rene Russo - Cindy Jo
Jim Belushi - Larry Burrows

“After we get your parents back together, help me split up mine!”

Patrick LaBrecque - Marshall