“- Max Abbitt: I thought we agreed not to set each other up anymore.
- Jay Murphy: No, I agreed not to let you set me up anymore after that girl who you said was perfect for me tied me up and came out with that hood and cane and offered to beat the shit out of me.”
David Schwimmer - Max Abbitt
Jason Lee - Jay Murphy

“- Ben Cronin: Scouts are coming next week.
- Mr. Tillman: Girl scouts?
- Ben Cronin: No, swimming scouts from Stanford.”
Jesse Bradford - Ben Cronin
Michael Higgins - Mr. Tillman

“Daughter, husbands like Man-Who-Fights-in-Dress don't come along every day.”

Russell Badger - Sioux Chief

“Come when the king doth to my lady come. And if I have much love... I'll give you some.”
Emily Mortimer - Katherine

“We met upon the level, and we're parting on the square.”
Ricky Jay - Burt Ramsey