“- Derek: You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.
- Randy: Like Kobayashi. [makes eating noise]
- Derek: I've seen him do it.
- Brennan Huff: You've actually seen him eating a man's penis?
- Derek: It was in international waters, so they couldn't prosecute him. But I saw it.”
Adam Scott - Derek
Rob Riggle - Randy
Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

“- Vern: This isn't funny! What am I supposed to eat?
- Teddy: You could cook your dick.
- Chris: It'd be a small meal.”

Jerry O'Connell - Vern Tessio
Corey Feldman - Teddy Duchamp
River Phoenix - Chris Chambers

- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“That's why these lesbians are always going out and buyin', spendin' all their dough on sexual appliances and erotic monkey wrenches and shit, tryin' to compensate for what they don't have... the penis.”
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“After all, without sex, none of us would be born. And we are all born out of a woman's cunt. It is the center of the world. And the more we can do to glorify that holy spot, the more we're doing for mankind.”
Molly Parker - Florence