“- Katie Price: Oh my god, Charlie's outside.
- Jack Price: I know. I called him.
- Katie Price: What? Why?
- Jack Price: Because you said the best part was having someone to share your adventures with. So go talk to him tell him the truth he deserves that, and so do you.”
- Lloyd Christmas: Hey, you guys want to play "He Who Smelt It"?
- Harry Dunne: Yeah.
- Travis: What's that?
- Lloyd Christmas: It's complicated, so pay attention. We put the windows up, first one who smells a fart gets a point. If you say who dealt it, double points.
- Harry Dunne: But if you say you smelled a fart and nobody farted, like if we... (continue) (continue reading)
“- Captain Lippencott: Why are you standing in the toilet?
- Harry Dunne: So you wouldn't see my feet.
- Captain Lippencott: Why not just stand on the rim?
- Harry Dunne: There's ball hairs all over that thing. I'm not stupid.”
“- Susan: What advice do you have for those trapped in the quarantine zone?
- West: You're basically fucked.”
“The London underground is worse than anything we did in Guantanamo.”