“Guilt or innocence, that's not my job. It's my duty to pick up scum-sucking punks like yourself who are accused of a crime. A jury of twelve really stupid people who are easily swayed by rich, fat-cat, slimy lawyers, who'll do anything but tell the truth, will sit in judgment of you. It's as American as a burrito.”
Richard Crenna - Lieutenant Fergus Falls

“- Sam Sleaze: What seems to be the problem, officer? What's the charge?
- State Trooper: What about counterfeiting, extortion, fraud, impersonating a dentist, stealing an apple from a kid?
- Sam Sleaze: Oh, about that apple, officer, I can explain that. We was just holding it for a friend.
- State Trooper: You can tell that to the judge.”
Dave Thomas - Sam Sleaze
John Candy - State Trooper

“One in every three black males is in some phase of the correctional system. Is that a coincidence or do these people have, you know, like a racial commitment to crime?”
Edward Norton - Derek Vinyard

“My job is to represent the interest of the people, make an effort to be objective.”
Campbell Scott - Ethan Thomas

“- Diane Lightson: Does he treat all traffic violators this graciously?
- Dennis: Only ones he takes a special interest in, like bankers.”

Demi Moore - Diane Lightson
John Candy - Dennis