“- Lt. Frank Drebin: She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! She reminded me of my mother, all right. No doubt about it.
- Ed Hocken: Frank, snap out of it! You're looking at her like she was your mother for Christ's sake!”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin
George Kennedy - Ed Hocken

“- Harriet: I don't need a mother.
- Gwen: Sure you do.
- Harriet: My mother is in a box covered with dirt.
- Gwen: No, I'm your mother... I had you when I was fifteen. I was letting Mom be your mother.”
Evan Rachel Wood - Harriet Frankovitz
Mary Stuart Masterson - Gwen Frankovitz

“- Heather Aubrey: So, are you my mom's boyfriend?
- Billy Chapel: I'm not sure.
- Heather Aubrey: But you've slept with her.”
Jena Malone - Heather Aubrey
Kevin Costner - Billy Chapel

“- Princess Aouda: Have there been any women in his life?
- Passepartout: I assume he had a mother, but I am not certain.”

Shirley MacLaine - Princess Aouda
Cantinflas - Passepartout

“- Mrs. Porter: I'm a burden on you.
- Bill Porter: Well, now we're even.”
Helen Mirren - Mrs. Porter
William H. Macy - Bill Porter