- Ron Burgundy: What cologne you gonna go with? "London Gentleman", or wait. No, no, no. Hold on. "Blackbeard's Delight".
- Brian Fantana: No, she gets a special cologne... it's called "Sex Panther" by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries... yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Will Ferrell - Ron Burgundy
Paul Rudd - Brian Fantana

“- Jay: We don't like bugs?
- Kay: Bugs thrive on carnage, Tiger. They consume, infest, destroy, live off the death and destruction of other species.”

Will Smith - Jay
Tommy Lee Jones - Kay

“The lysine contingency is intended to prevent the spread of the animals in case they ever get off the island. Dr. Wu inserted a gene that makes a single faulty enzyme in protein metabolism. The animals can't manufacture the amino acid lysine. Unless they're continually supplied with lysine by us, they'll slip into a coma and die.”

Samuel L. Jackson - Arnold

Ladies and gentlemen, do you like the pelt? Be honest, because some bitch stopped me on the way in. "What poor and unfortunate creature had to die for you to wear that?".
John Cameron Mitchell - Hedwig

“- Aramis: Young Louis was given a baby crocodile from Egypt. The queen dropped it in a sewer, and it's been living off whatever it can find ever since.
- Bonacieux: Something kept dragging the poor workers away. All we ever found were bones.
- D'Artagnan: Crocodiles attack from behind.”
Nick Moran - Aramis
Bill Treacher - Bonacieux
Justin Chambers - D'Artagnan