“- Dr. Bill Perlman: He and your wife are the only survivors I can't reach. She won't talk and he won't admit the crash was bad.
- Manny Rodrigo: Is that right? He says it was good?
- Dr. Bill Perlman: Says it was the best thing that ever happened to him.”

John Turturro - Dr. Bill Perlman
Benicio del Toro - Manny Rodrigo

“- Hudson Hawk: You're supposed to be all cracked up at the bottom of the hill!
- Tommy Five-Tone: Airbags! Can you fucking believe it?
- Anna Baragli: You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunks of flesh!
- Tommy Five-Tone: Sprinkler system set up in the back!”

Bruce Willis - Hudson Hawk
Danny Aiello - Tommy Five-Tone
Andie MacDowell - Anna Baragli

“There was a horrible accident... But I survived. Survived... Not in the traditional sense of the word.”

Rebecca Scott - Penny McGregor

“There are two reasons why I'm looking at you like this. One because it seems in a few minutes you will officially be the only survivor of this train wreck, and two, because you didn't break one bone, you don't have a scratch on you.”

Michael Kelly - ER Doctor

“- Bruce Nolan: Is this heaven?
- God: No, this is Mount Everest. You should flip on the Discovery Channel from time to time.”
Jim Carrey - Bruce Nolan
Morgan Freeman - God