“- Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
- Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.
- Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
- Richard: I know, they're called doctors.”
Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard

“Look, we all know home-ec is a joke, no offense, it's just that everyone takes this class to get an A, and it's bullshit, and I'm sorry. I'm not putting down your profession, but it's just the way I feel.”

Jonah Hill - Seth

“It's my understanding... that there are, uh... twenty-three students registered... for this series of lectures on advanced musical form. Now, we all know it's not raining outside, and unless there's a fire in some other part of the building that we don't know about, there's an awful lot of people here with nothing better to do.”
George C. Scott - John Russell

“It's disgraceful how lazy I've been of life.”
Ingrid Bergman - Charlotte Andergast

“- Peter: I would relax... I would sit on my ass all day... I would do nothing.
- Lawrence: Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do shit.”

Ron Livingston - Peter
Diedrich Bader - Lawrence