Jonah Hill quotes
“When does telling the truth ever help anybody?”
“You know what I like the most about being rich? You can just be horrible to people and they just have to take it.”
“We won't tell anyone. And if we do, we'll tell them not to tell anyone.”
“Watch out babe, I'll take care of this.
[throws a weapon at the dragon Deadly Nadder but misses; Astrid glares at him]
The sun was in my eyes, Astrid! What do you want me to do, block out the sun? I can do that, but I don't have the time right now!”
“All the money is made between the lines.”
“- Efraim Diveroli: I think you should come work for me.
- David Packouz: I'm against this war.
- Efraim Diveroli: This isn't about being pro-war. This is about being pro-money.”
“She wants to fuck me! She wants my dick in or around her mouth!”
“- Schmidt: Say something cool when you throw it!
- Jenko: One, two, three! Something cool!”
“- Schmidt: There's a grenade in my shorts, can you reach it? Go in from underneath!
- Jenko: Oh, shit! Is that it?
- Schmidt: No, that's my dick!
- Jenko: What about that?
- Schmidt: That's my dick also!
- Jenko: Why is it hard?
- Schmidt: I'm so full of adrenalin right now!”
“Iraq is dope. I'm thinking about getting a place there.”
“- Seth: Dude you shouldn't have parked there.
- Evan: Man I'm about to graduate, they should be sucking on my ballsack, that’s the least they can do for stealing 4 years of my life.”
“Everyone's fighting over the same pie and ignoring the crumbs. I live off crumbs.”
“- Efraim Diveroli: Jordanian customs seized our Berettas.
- David Packouz: What? Why?
- Efraim Diveroli: I don't fucking know, David! I dropped out of high school before they covered international diplomacy!”
“- Donnie Azoff: How much money you make?
- Jordan Belfort: $70,000 last month.
- Donnie Azoff: Get the fuck outta here!
- Jordan Belfort: Well technically, $72,000 last month.
- Donnie Azoff: You show me a pay stub for $72,000, I quit my job right now and work for you. [later, on the phone] Hey Paulie, what's up? No, everything's fine. Hey...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Donnie Azoff: I hate that fuckin' dog.
- Jordan Belfort: Yeah, it's getting old and decrepit. It's startin' to shit in the house again.
- Donnie Azoff: Me too.”
“- Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
- Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind!”
“- Conservationist: What are you doing?
- Cooker: I'm definitely not burning ants with a magnifying glass if that's what you're implying.”
“- Captain Dickson: Waiter, can a black man get some water?
- Schmidt: Someone get the fucking man some water. He's black, he's been through a lot!”