Chris Farley quotes
“- Richard: Housekeeping, you want towel?
- Tommy: No towels. Need sleepy.
- Richard: Housekeeping, you want mint for pillow?
- Tommy: Please go away let me sleep for the love of God!
- Richard: Housekeeping, you want me jerk you off?
- Tommy: [gets out of bed] What kinda hotel is this?... [opens the door] Oh, it's you.”
“We've all been screwed by Governor Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her!”
“- Tommy: Oh yeah... We don't take no for an answer! We don't take no for an answer...
[Tommy and Richard have just finished a presentation]
- 'No' Manager: No.
- Tommy: Okey-dokey.
- 'No' Manager: No.
- Tommy: Gotcha. Thanks.
- 'No' Manager: [shaking his head 'no'] Mmmm-mmmm.
- Tommy: Terrific! Thanks for your time.”
“- Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
- Nelson: Go on, I'm listening.
- Tommy: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
- Nelson: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
- Tommy: 'Course it does....” (continue)(continue reading)
“Boy this is the worst. My so called family deserts me. Michelle's mad at me. I've lost the factory, the town's going under and I'm out of a job.
[the park bench collapses]
Could've done without that.”
“- Richard: Hey... I was just thinking... when we stopped for gas this morning I think it was you who put the oil in.
- Tommy: Hey if you're going to say I didn't put the right kind in, you're wrong. I used 10-W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident.
- Richard: True. But you can't latch the hood too well, if you...” (continue)(continue reading)
“They say in the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king, well in the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king!”
“The blackness of my belt is like the inside of a coffin on a moonless night.”
“- Steve Dodds: What the heck is that?
- Mike Donnelly: Ah! It's Ozzy Osborne!”
“- Higgins: This particular event happened last summer on my uncle's farm in Virginia. My brother and I had just finished cutting a field of hay and were enjoying the evening meal under the shade of an elm tree. He went down for water by the creek and when he was gone, I took a bowl that was filled with delicious plum pudding and placed into it,...” (continue)(continue reading)
“- Tommy: La-la-la-loo-loo... Luuuke... Luuuke! I am your fah-ther! La-la-lay-lu...
- Richard: [walks in] Oh, I've interrupted happy time! Now I know you want to sit there and keep being not slim, but we gotta work a little today.
- Tommy: That was from 'Star Wars'.
- Richard: I know.”
“- Steve Dodds: This is great I never win at checkers.
- Mike Donnelly: Well, it's kinda easy to win when you never move your back row!”